Disabled!

In today's technology the word "disabled" is used frequently.  We can disable our car alarms, the home security systems, and I disable my touchpad on this laptop of mine.  Those are all necessary and perfectly acceptable things to have disabled.  When a person becomes disabled, that is a whole different ballgame.  

I have lived with chronic pain and illness issues for over 15 years now and did continue to work, raise my family, and helped my husband in full-time ministry.  Seven years ago I stopped working because my health and pain levels would not cooperate any longer, but I was not disabled.  I have had to give up countless hobbies and ministries because I could no longer do them - but was not disabled.  I have spent quite a bit of time in the ER, and doctor's offices, but was not disabled.  Apparently, only the government can decide whether you are disabled or not.

It's official now...I am disabled!  After being denied three times, getting a lawyer and finally being allowed a hearing - I am disabled!  I actually was told that I was allowed to have, what was mine to begin with - my Social Security.  Funny how that works.  I wanted to have a party, celebrate, and scream it from the rooftops!  Something that has such a negative affect on most folks, was cause for huge smiles at my house.  I walked out to get the mail one day, and there in my hand was a big envelope from the SS administration.  This was it - "the envelope please" moment!  I stood in the street, ripped it open and said one more prayer, and then opened my eyes to the verdict.  The judge's decision...I was disabled!  Wahooooooooo!


Here's the rub though...I don't look disabled.  I still know how to put on my makeup, and dress well, and smile.  I get told often, "you look great" or "you don't look disabled" and I am thankful for that.  I have a "disabled parking permit" and I use it...but you should see some of the looks I get!  Because I don't look disabled, I get judged.  The truth is however, I am in pain every day, all day, and I don't know what it's like to not be.  No one pushed a button or entered a code into the keypad and "disabled" me.  God did not zap me and decide to punish me for some wretched sin I committed.  I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Synd., arthritis, disc degeneration and bone spurs in my spine.  And that folks, is just that...it is what it is, and while it is not fun - it is also not the end of the world.


I use to pray this way, "God, please take away my pain, remove it from me."  Nothing happened.  I prayed, and prayed - for years.  Then one day I realized I was going about things all wrong and my prayers changed.  I was told by someone that I inspired them, that they were so encouraged by my attitude and strength - that they decided they could do more.  I started praying, "Lord, please take my pain and use it."  And He has!  I don't know how many times I hear, "If Mary can do it, so can I."  Some days I have to remind myself that "Mary can do it," and there are days that Mary can't.  Even when I can't get out and do everything I wished I could for God, or my family - or just for fun, I can still mentor and encourage people through email or Facebook!  


When I have to lay down another hobby or ministry, I look around to see what I can pick up and do next.  God is not done with me yet, and I don't just want to be used by Him - I want to be used up completely!  No one can put a label on my heart and "disable" it!  2 Corinthians 12:10 is my battle cry through life..."So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me!"