Twirling!

I'm cheating a bit this morning, because I'm about ready to leave for the week-end...so I'm posting something I've already written.  I love 'copy and paste'!  Hope it speaks to someone out there today!

    I magically twirled around the attic pretending once again to be a beautiful bride. The veil on my head draped delicately down my back, was matched in beauty by the cupcake shaped, puffy skirt.  It made a wonderful swishing sound as the skirt rustled back and forth like a bell in full gong!  I was maybe six or seven years old at the time and the veil was a satin half-slip held in place on my head by the elastic waistband.  The gonging skirt was in reality another half-slip, full-length with three tiers of puffy lace.  To me, they were a beautiful ensemble, just perfect for an imaginative wedding.  Grandma’s attic held anything needed for transforming a girl into what she dreamed of being.  A shawl became a cape, and a mighty superhero was born!  Several layers of satin slips became a ball gown for a princess.  There were hats and gloves for afternoon tea with the queen and high-heeled shoes for looking way older than your Daddy would want you to!  Hours later reality would knock on the door, and a voice would interrupt, saying, “time for dinner.”  This is a window to my childhood.
    My grandparents ran a second-hand shop and Grandma Newton kept an eye open for things she knew I would love.  I couldn’t wait to get up to the attic to discover what the latest fashion statement would be.  An added side-effect of all this fun…I knew I was loved.  I knew that the silly, talkative, ask too many questions, at times annoying, little ole ME, was unconditionally loved!  I truly grew up believing that I was special, gifted, totally lovable, and that surely everyone adored me (except my brother of course)!    
    When I was a preschooler my grandma babysat me off and on and those were great days!  I had my own little wooden, red chair and it fit just right at the glass-topped coffee table in my grandparent’s living room.  The glass top wasn’t there to protect the wooden table - it was there to protect the photos underneath.  It was a showcase of all the grand and great-grandkids and I could sit and study each face while I had my lunch.  There were tea parties prepared in a tiny tin pot that grandpa had found at yet another yard sale, and grandma filled it with some pale tea water and a lot of sugar and milk!  There were always Fig Newton’s and homemade sugar cookies - and my personal favorite…a jar of dill pickles.
    I remember Grandma hosting the church quilting bee in her living room and while the church ladies poked their needles in and out…I was underneath pretending it was my secret fort!  I also remember the TV coming on and it was Roller Derby time!  The yelling, the taunting - and that was just grandma urging her favorite teams to hit harder!  I sat and wondered what secret life my grandma could have had and pictured her sneaking out late at night to go rough people up!  That was a very funny thought since she was barely over five feet tall!
    I wasn’t able to see Grandma very often after getting married and moving away, occasional letters and phone calls were all that let her know what she meant to me.  I don’t have very many regrets in life, but that is a big one.  I should have practiced more of the intentional loving I had seen in her.  Some of my last memories of her were of a frail, arthritis-ravaged little body - with a mind sharp as ever.  My last smile from her was because I told her that she would probably wait to die until I got all the way home, just to spite me. Thus making me drive 500 miles back to Oregon for her funeral.  Some of her last words to me let me know I was right and she would do her part to be ornery.  The morning after I returned home from that trip to Oregon, my mother called to tell me, “Grandma passed away last night.”  Instead of tears, a smile appeared on my face.  Grandma got the last word again.
    I miss my grandma.  I said my last “I love you” many years ago, yet there are still times that I see or hear something funny and want to pick up the phone so I can tell her about it!  I miss her mischievous smile and her wink - letting me know that her and I share the secret of why something is funny.  I miss hearing her tell me “you’re going to be okay” and I really miss being able to believe it!  When Grandma said it…it just had to be so!  I was always sure she had a direct line to God and that He listened, cause He knew better not to!  I miss being loved just as I am, treasured for just being me…big mouth and all.  Oh, and I miss twirling!  When I have one of those days, I stop and remember something wonderful: God loves me unconditionally!
    God treasures me and with a smile and wink - He gets me!  Even in my 50’s, I can stand before Him and twirl, and feel beautiful in His sight.  A little bit of Grandma lives within me, and I thank God that He made me that way.  I have my own home to invite others to now, and make them tea…and I’ll take mine still, with too much sugar.  Hopefully I remember to say, “you’re going to be okay” to those that need to hear it, and share an unconditional love to all I meet.  I will still be a bit ornery, and silly - will probably talk too much, and I still love dill pickles.  I hope and pray that God continues to bring people into my life that love me just the way I am too!  Now excuse me…I have some twirling to do and a few sugar cookies to bake!